How do you know when to call it quits? Know your deal-breakers!
Do you stay or do you leave? Whether we are talking about a relationship or a job, making this decision is annoyingly hard and stressful. Your boss irrationally exploded again. Should you quit? Your boyfriend went out drinking way more than he said he would this month. Do you finally break up with him?
Well, it’s soooo normal to not know what to do and, understandably, many of my clients have trouble with this. The answer is actually a little easier to find than you think. Essentially, you have to be able to assess what you want and need from this relationship or job. However, the unfortunate truth is that too many people lose track of what they need and actually break their own rules. They ignore their own needs, violate their personal boundaries and inevitably burnout. I guarantee that if you continue to sacrifice yourself and ignore what you need, you will break down… I promise you: you will break.
So when do you call it quits?
One of my clients told me that his boss regularly had grandiose disproportionate reactions to employee errors (it seemed as though his boss was perfectionistic, unforgiving, and unrealistic at times). My client did not know whether or not to quit his job. I told him that he had to ask himself three questions: 1) How do I feel? 2) What do I need? 3) What are my deal-breakers? This is particularly interesting because you won’t always feel good at work nor will your boss always meet your needs perfectly. However, you cannot stay in a relationship or in a job that has resulted in unacceptable outcomes or occurrences. Therefore, in order to decide whether or not to call it quits, you must acknowledge your deal-breakers. Ask yourself about what you absolutely cannot overlook. What situation ultimately outweighs any redeeming quality of the job or relationship? Once you know the answers, if your deal-breaker situation(s) happens… leave. Point finale. And don’t give me the, “Okaaayyyy, Sassy Psychologist, it’s not always that easy. People have families to feed and bills to pay.” To that I say: it actually is that easy. Whether your boundaries are being violated by sexual harassment or just because your morning commute is no longer tolerable, you must do everything and anything to respect yourself, meet your needs, and stay true to who you are. Otherwise, the consequences to your well-being are grave.
Take care of you first. You’ll be ok. You’ll find a way.