I can’t tell you how many people come into my office to discover that they have a complete inability to accept compliments and/or be on the receiving end of nice gestures. Listen up, people! If this is you, I’m telling you that there are people out there trying to do nice things for you and you are completely ‘missing the boat.’ You either a) are unaware of the courteous things people try to do for you or b) perceive people’s niceties as annoying. One of my clients told me how annoyed she was with her husband because he was “obsessed” with making pasta the way that would most satisfy and please her. “Just make the frikin’ pasta already,” she’d say. Upon understanding that this wonderful woman was a caretaker unable to receive care from others, I called her out. I informed her that her annoyance was a manifestation of the fact that her body was blatantly rejecting her husband’s care for her. Essentially, she was metaphorically castrating him by discarding his gestures. She could not see that her husband was being the caretaker she’s always wanted (but felt undeserving of). Needless to say that the homework assigned involved documenting when and how she would reject the care her husband tried to give. She was instructed to identify the care, let it in, and appreciate his effort. Put plainly, she was instructed to receive.
Today’s take home message: When you push people away and reject their care for you, you disallow their love and their desire to show you their love. They, in turn, feel like crap and believe that there is no way to please you. They may even distance themselves from you to the point of eventual relationship rupture. So people…LET IN THE LOVE, ALREADY! It’s for your benefit, your partner’s benefit, and for the benefit of your relationships (romantic and otherwise).