I know I know…there are definitely sex-on-the-first-date success stories out there. They start with sex on the first date and end with life-long partnership. …and to that I say, awesome! But I think it’s safe to say that the successful relationship that started with sex on the first date would have survived with or without having sex after the first meeting, right? I mean, you never hear people say, “thank god we had sex on the first date otherwise we would have never been together.” I do, however, hear people say, “I never should have slept with him!” So let’s talk about this.
I can’t tell you how many times women come to my office with the following dialogue (yes, I’m targeting women because I often hear about the misfortunes of women after sex on the first date). “Look, I’m single and I like sex. Why does there have to be rules about sex on the first date? I can deal with the consequences no matter what they are. If he doesn’t call me ever again, oh well. I can handle it.” To that I ask, CAN YOU!? Really? Really? Because nine times out of ten, women come back to the office admitting they got hurt after having sex on the first date. It’s time to learn from your mistakes and make better choices. Here’s how.
One word, ladies: Reciprocity! A pattern of reciprocity must be seen before sex can happen. …and I’m not just talking about buying dinners for each other and asking about the other person’s day. I’m talking about waiting for an obvious and consistent pattern of giving and taking by both parties. Is there a pattern of reciprocal phone calls and texts, reciprocal conversation, reciprocal care giving and care taking, reciprocal initiative-taking, reciprocal date planning and organizing? If not, sorry. No reciprocity, no romp! A pattern of reciprocal gestures shows interest, respect, investment and integrity; four things I think most people would want in a sexual and romantic partner.
And for all of you people who plead “horniness” as a reason to do it on the first date…. If you are horney, masterbate to climax. Horniness resolved!
Look, all I’m saying is that if sex on the first date hasn’t quite worked for you, try something different. Date someone and reach for reciprocity. If you don’t find it, don’t have sex with this person and move on. I’m not saying that this is a full proof manner to land the relationship of your dreams but I am saying that using this method will yield better results than sex on the first date.